make a wish...

sometimes, i wish for rain. sometimes, i get just that and it's amazing.
other times, i get cloudy skies instead, which is also nice. sometimes, i get more than i bargained for, raging wind, and all. but there are times when i get sunshine. clear blue skies, bright sunshine.
and you know what? sometimes, it's just what i need.

my blind side

probably the best part of my four day Easter weekend is watching The Blind Side. Michael's story is amazing. I almost forgot that there are still genuinely good people in the world. just really good people... anyway, there was that part in the movie where he had to write this essay on Tennyson's The Charge of the Light Brigade"...

“Courage is a hard thing to figure. You can have courage based on a dumb idea or a mistake, but you’re not supposed to question adults, or your coach, or your teacher because they make the rules. Maybe they know best but maybe they don’t. It all depends on who you are, where you come from. Didn’t at least one of the six hundred guys think about giving up and joining with the other side? I mean, Valley of Death, that’s pretty salty stuff. That’s why courage is tricky. Should you always do what others tell you to do? Sometimes you might not even know why you’re doing something. I mean, any fool can have courage. But honor, that’s the real reason you either do something or you don’t. It’s who you want to be. If you die trying for something important then you have both honor and courage and that’s pretty good. I think that’s what the writer was saying; that you should try for courage and hope for honor. And maybe even pray that the people telling you what to do have some, too.”

overheard somewhere...

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life

multiple choice

For a few months now, a question has been nagging my friend's overly imaginative and earnest minds. I didn't bother give it a thought because, really, there was no reason to choose. I circled at the possibility and was entertained by the potential. But, really. Whether I choose A, B or C didn't matter... I felt that it was not up to me anyway. But yesterday, while I was trying to arrange my clothes scattered on the floor, I suddenly decided. I choose D. not D of my bittersweet childhood. But D for none of the above.

Stop that woman!

Some people eat when stressed. Some scream or punch the living daylights out of something. Others exercise. I shop. There was a turn of events last Friday. Our trip to Malaysia is pushing through after all. And I have an interview for the new job next week. Things seem to looking up. But still stressful. Crazy stressful. Stomach crunching, vomit inducing, head spinning stressful.

The plan was to monitor the Men's Health Urbanathlon (yeah I have the best job in the world ;)), visit mom's grave, drop by the doctor's and swing by the office to do some paper work.

Well that was the plan. This is what happened.

After I spent my bonus and maxed out my credit card, I settled down at a café. As I was waiting for my order to come, I looked at the bags. The bag with my brand new Oakley shades looked back at me and smiled. “Happy holidays!”, it said. A warm smile spread across my flushed face and I felt warm all over. I deserve this, I thought. This is how it's supposed to be. Then my order came and it was amazing.

Life is amazing. I know the bills will come to haunt me in a few months, but for now, I am ecstatic. Warm all over. :)
There’s just so much to look forward to.

flowers for mom

I went to the cemetery this morning to visit my mom’s grave. The cemetery was nearly empty save for some kids playing at a distance and a handful of guys cleaning up what’s left off the previous week. I miscalculated the time and arrived there at around 10 am, it was especially humid. And 5 minutes under the scorching sun, I started feeling dizzy.

It’s no fun passing out in the cemetery. It creeps everyone out.

NP : Last Kiss : Pearl Jam

The List (continued) from the doctor's office

- get the pair of Mizuno crusaders I won. finally got them and planned to test drive it at the hsbc run but, of course, i lost my race bid. wth?!

It's my second (or third - I can't remember) visit to the doc for my dizziness and fatigue. Of course the first time I went here I conveniently did not tell my doc that I recently did this

and shortly after, I started feeling sea sick.

This is definitely not my day. Well, yesterday wasn't my day either. First, we found out that our trip to Malaysia has been cancelled. Well, they said postponed for a trip to (maybe) Singapore early next year. But it feels really cancelled and we'll have to do the planning session somewhere within the country. Sucks. In hindsight, it might be because the doc said I should avoid air travel for the meantime. i hate it that even the cancellation of this trip is supposedly for my good. Crap.

It's Thursday, and so far the week has been a major disaster. Should I be bold and declare that this is definitely not my week?

The List

I was going to make a list of all the things I had to do and cross them out one by one. I was arguing with myself in my mind how to prioritize things. But my laptop's keyboard intermittently presses the ";" key in it's own will. And I find it too annoying.

And even before I get to post this, I know I would have crossed out some of them (hopefully) OR not.

- get a new battery for my laptop (this I actually accomplished before I even wrote this, otherwise I wouldn't be able to write this, but I want to include this to add to the things I've crossed out, because I simply like crossing things out.)
- get rid of my vertigo or whatever the hell it is that makes me dizzy. And find out why I am always Sooo tired. I think this isn't just stress, I think there's a medical explanation for this.
- have my laptop keyboard repaired.
- get a new pair of cheap glasses. I specified cheap because I only ever use it at home and tascha keeps chewing on my glasses, it doesn't make sense for me to get really nice ones.
- replace bulbs in the living room
- get plumbing done in the bathroom
- finally get a closet
- get a new bed
- get a desk, heck, renovate bedroom
- renovate living/dining room
- bathe tascha
- update tascha's vaccines
- sync iPhone
- fix other phone
- get a car.

I think this about sums up the priority things for me right now. There are a gazillion other things waiting to be done but if I list them all, nothing will ever get done. Now if only I can sleep.

Halloween

"It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving."~ Mother Teresa

Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who stays. When everyone else washes their hands clean, I'm the one left to pick up the pieces. It can get tiring sometimes. Or always. But you get a new surge of energy, a certain drive whenever you remember that you're doing all this out of sheer love. and then you're okay again.

dive in

I keep trying to pinpoint the moment when everything went a tad askew, but every time I try to, it’s either I fall asleep or something happens that messes things up a bit more and I have to get up and manage it a bit. But anyway, I think it was sometime after my Aunt went back to TX. I think it all started when I woke up in the middle of the night from so much pain in my right wrist. Yeah. I think it started with that.

Then I lost all the contents of my ipod. All of them. I mean all of them. It was pretty much every digital file I had. Some were files I’ve had as early as 1994. All the pictures were there. All of them. Then I went surfing and broke my iphone and crushed on a boy 10 years my junior. Yeah, I think that was the start of my descent.

It’s not like where I am right now is so bad… it’s just really really disorganized. My thoughts are floating around, I’m trying, constantly, to catch up on things and my right wrist still hurts.

Five months after that fateful summer, I can still feel the aftermath in my everyday life. But, I am determined to put everything in their rightful places and put some order amidst all the chaos. AND work on certain aspects of my life I know I have gravely neglected over the past months. Maybe even years.

Wow. I think I’m even excited.

Oh, and I just have to say this, but nothing beats sleeping in your own bed.

Dive In : Dave Matthews Band

Wake up sleepy head
I think the sun's a little brighter today
Smile and watch the icicles melt away and see the water rising...
Summers here to stay, and all those summer games will last forever
Go down to the shore, kick off your shoes, dive in the empty ocean.

Tell me everything will be OK if I just stay on my knees and keep praying
believing in something
Tell me everything is all taken care of by those qualified to take care of it all.

Wake up sleepy head
I think the sun's a little brighter today

summer in october. or not.

I think I need to rest. Not rest like go on an adventure far away. But just rest. Stay at home and not worry about anything. Sleep late. Watch senseless tv. Laugh my head off. Eat like there’s no tomorrow and sleep. Rest with wild abandon. 

I’ve always kinda loved airplanes and… yes, even airports.  Somehow, I felt like it was a gateway to escape; to unknown adventures; to new possibilities.  But I think at a given amount of time you spend in them, you get tired and you just wish you can go home.  I think I got to that point sometime between Tagbilaran and Manila.

I’ve never wanted to be home as much as I did when we were in Cheron island.  After camping in Zambales last year, I swore that once was enough and I would not do that again if I can help it.  When my cousin said that we were going to be the first guests at the island and the facilities will be ok when we get there, I thought, well… maybe there wouldn’t be any curtains; or some windows will be missing; or a faucet or two might not work; or there wouldn’t be any hot water; or maybe there wouldn’t be any water in the pool.

So. imagine my surprise when we got there. First, there was no running water. And there was no air conditioning. There was no running water!!! I was a little brave, and unbelievably exhausted from the early flights, from running around everywhere and the scary and bumpy boat ride to the island.  I didn’t cry myself to sleep this time. And I didn’t even have to drink at all. I guess I’m growing up a little, huh?

The trip was cut short because of bad weather. By bad weather, I mean a super typhoon.  The boat broke while we were negotiating the horrendous waves.  I was already thinking of an escape plan. How was I going to swim to the nearest island and still save my laptop and phone? How many minutes or seconds do I have before sharks smell the blood dripping from me and devour my legs?

Luckily, we didn’t have to swim or try to stay afloat while holding our laptops and cameras over our heads.  We made it to the hotel at the mainland just in time, drenched but alive nonetheless.

The hotel was a welcome balm, knowing that the flight back home is just around the corner.  Or so we all thought.  Everything seemed to be going as planned on our way to the airport.  We were all looking forward to all the comfort Manila would bring, that was until our flight was cancelled. 

I am unbelievably exhausted. I mean, I just feel drained. And I look at myself in the mirror and I can see the exhaustion all over me.  I am just tired, in every way a person can be tired.

I think I need to stay grounded for a while. No more long road trips and flights and adventures for a while. I think I just need to be home. No one in the world needs to go home as much as I do now.

how

do you celebrate someone's victory when you know you're not part of it?

high and dry

I used to wonder what’ll take me to finally take the time to sort things out in my head. Well... I learned that it takes more than a few nights of no internet, no phone, no waves, no TV, no earphones and no booze. I have had enough time, but not enough will power to do this.

My clock says it’s almost 11pm… I think I’ll go to sleep now.

tgif wtf

When I got my job 11 months ago and slowly settled and got used to the frenzied phase, I thought the lack of financial fulfillment was going to be my biggest concern.  11 months later, I learned that that would be… well… in the top three of my concerns.  I didn’t think that burn out and mis direction would be my concerns.  It sucks that I’m seriously thinking about quitting a job that I love. it’s just that lately, there’s just been a whole lot of that going on. Not the love part, but the job part. In fact, I feel that there’s been way too much of it, it’s not healthy anymore.

I feel and I know that if I continue like this, it’s either I end up a poor, bitter, hypertensive bitch or I die.  Either way, it doesn’t look good. 

But I love my job, and I can’t imagine doing anything else. But… this isn’t right. And it’s come to the point where I’m not sure if it’s still worth it. I’m not sure if this is something I want to fight for.

And once again, I’m tired.

butterflies

From my mother’s side of the family, there are three of us, girls who were born just months apart in the same year.  One of us got married last year.  And the other is getting married on Saturday.   i haven’t seen my relatives in a long time, but I already feel them breathing down my neck, telling me that I should get married. Soon.

I promised myself years ago that I will marry only for love.  I will never let anyone or anything pressure me into getting married. i grew up fearing marriage, the idea that I’ll be stuck/ caged in/ tied to someone or something for the rest of my life just plain terrifies me.  And we all know what happened when I finally succumbed to that idea.  I guess it’s just fitting that I do myself that favor and stick to my promise.   Ok. Ok. Ok. So maybe I am still terrified. but I think these days, although I am scared of making the biggest mistake of my life, there’s also that fear of having to spend my life alone.  Which is also scary.

But I guess right now, I have a lot of other things to take care of. Like fixing my schedule to fit everything. I need a break. A long, luxurious, break.

lazy suzy

Work seems to have taken over my life the past month. And it’s only bound to get worse this March.  I get mild panic attacks whenever I remember the insurmountable things I have to deal with at work this coming march.  The fire brigade competition, the newsletter, the earth hour celebration… I get light headed whenever I think about it.  I want to go to the beach! And relax! And sip mango shake! And read a book! Under the sun!

I can’t believe how crazy February has been.  There was the condura run, which I will later on learn was a breeze in comparison to the next events.  the century run, which attracted over 11,000 runners, was a great success, in my opinion.  There are a lot of people who would say otherwise, but for me, it was a success.  Everyone had their own experience at the run, and although a lot of people had an amazing time, we only usually hear from the ones who didn’t.  this is especially true when it comes to event organizing.  The event may be a raging success, but there will be one or two who will be unhappy for one reason or another. 

I love my job.   And although the Saturday before the big event, I was crying inside a rest room cubicle because I couldn’t locate a supplier ; and I was only able to relax and enjoy the run an hour after the height of the event and almost everyone has gone home.   I am still thankful that my job gives me such amazing highs.

I am also thankful for the breather this weekend.  A weekend without work, or so I thought.  Well… there were just a few calls. And a lot of dropped calls.  Ah well…

Friday, I was one of the judges in a beauty pageant.  I was there from 6pm to 12mn. Who would have thought those things go on forever??? Well, at least I can say that I once judged a beauty pageant alongside Brazilian models, famous cosmetic surgeons and famed photographers.

Saturday, I saw a movie and bought a dress for my cousin’s wedding.  I asked my roommate to do my hair and makeup next week.  I told her I want to be prettier than the bride. Ha. I was serious. But it’s kinda impossible because my cousin is really beautiful. And it is her wedding day. Anyway. My turn will come.

Next week, it’s my cousin’s wedding. My aunt and grandma are coming home this Friday from Texas to join the celebration.  I can’t wait to see them.  I can’t wait to see my family again after a long time. 

This Sunday there’s the Run United.  There will be around 3,500 less runners this time. But it’s still a huge crowd… I hope I beat my time. Better practice tomorrow. 

the past week has been hectic at work. (when is it not?) i think next week will be a little bit more relaxed, though i have to work on saturday again. it's supposed to be a stride compared to this week... but we'll see.

the condura run was fun this morning. there was a lot of people. almost 9,000 people ran. and the whole place was packed. the organizers prepared a lot of things for the runners, fireworks, marching bands, cheering squads... it was amazing. i didn't beat my best time because i had to wait for one of my friends... but it's ok.  there's always next week. i have to run at least a couple of times before the century superbods run.  i won't be waiting for my friends at that run. i'll just see them at the finish line. at least that's the plan.

one of my goals this year is to run a half marathon.

book run 2010

i didn't get to run as much as i should have last year, so i'm making it my new year's resolution to join the fun runs at BGC almost every week. mixing work and working out... and it's fun. (they don't call them fun runs for nothing. ha. )

i don't have any specific goal when i run. but this morning, i was halfway through the first km of my 5km when i decided that my goal was to run till my legs feel like they're going to fall off and until my chest feels like it's going to explode. 2 Kms later, i decided that was not the brightest idea and slowed my pace and walked. then my boss pointed to M R, one of the most beautiful local celebrities, running a few feet ahead of us. after walking and staring at her shapely hips for five minutes, i decided i had a new goal: beat M R at the finish line. and i did.

runningmate sent the race results 30 minutes ago via text. it's my best time so far. it's my best time but it's still embarrassing so i'm not posting it here.

oh, and i did get that picture with D D. which, i failed to admit earlier, was my real goal for joining this race. haha.

next run : condura run for the dolphins. can't wait.

sweet dreams

while i argue in my mind whether i should do some stuff for work or finish some personal errands or just sit back and read a book on this sunday night, i thought i should drop by this blog.

last year, a former colleague gave me a small notepad for christmas. there was a quote at the bottom of the paper. it said, "If one advances carefully in the direction of his dreams, & endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with success unexpected in uncommon hours. " ~ Henry David Thoreau

i took one piece from that notepad and kept it in my wallet since. and soon after i started looking for a job that i liked. four months later, i got a new job and wondered how the hell i got it.

lately i have been thinking a lot about work... and the monetary compensation i get from this job that i love so much. it's not that what i get isn't enough... it's just that i know i can get so much more from a job that's easier. easier but something i'm only mildly interested in. just thinking about this stresses me out.

it's like this... i love my job. i can't imagine myself doing anything else. but my salary is just enough to get me through. it's not enough to get me that beautiful house or that new car or those amazing vacations. but everyday i'm thankful that i get to do something that makes sense to me.

which brings me to an important question, would you rather have a job that'll enable you to get that beautiful house, that new car and those amazing vacations... or would you rather do something you love. everyday. a job that makes you smile. and feel blessed that you are doing what you love. yet it'll take a lot of sacrifice and time to get a nice house, a decent car and the occasional vacation.

i think the question here is, what's more important to me?

well... look at the time! it's almost 10pm... time for bed. sweet dreams.

NP : clockwatching : jason mraz
Let's live in this moment just this time, could we?
Just take one moment of our time m-m-m-m-maybe.
Let's forget we running out of time.

I'm off like an airplane,
I'm catching my second wind again.
I'm using my left brain
And I'm righting all my wrongs.
lately we're running out of time, aren't we?

couch wars

before i make any big (or sometimes even small) decisions, i always do my research. well... almost. i should have on this one. Because the first thing that comes up when you google "choosing a room mate/flat mate" is, "never room with a friend". i want to bitch slap myself for not researching this major decision in my life. another lesson learned.

there's a reason why we tirelessly looked for a two bedroom apartment for months. so that we can both have our own rooms. and here are the reasons why we both have to have our own rooms:

- so that none of us will have to tip toe if we want to use the kitchen in the middle of the night/day.
- so that one of us can watch tv without lowering the volume while the other one is asleep.
- so that neither will have to deal with the other person's personal stuff/clutter.
- so that neither one of us will have to watch the other sleep, dress up, put her make up on.

so when my room mate refuses to sleep in her bedroom, my frustration is understandable. right? do you even know anyone who sleeps in the living room??? that's crazy. especially when there's an available bedroom in the house. and i wouldn't write about it here if it hadn't reached this point where i am just ready to change the locks and put all her stuff on the corridor.

it's been three months since we moved in this condo. i let her sleep in the living room the first month because i thought it was a temporary thing... a few weeks, max. but it has been three f#c%ing months. She sleeps in the living room because she's scared... of ghosts, of evil spirits, etc. which is childish and stupid. I try to be understanding... so I gave her until January. When January came, I called a cleaning lady to clean her bedroom and the rest of the house (since she doesn't do housework either). So, what does she do? She sleeps on the couch.

We have different schedules. When she's asleep, I'm awake, and vise versa. So when she sleeps in the living room, i have no choice but to watch tv and sit on the floor, or sit on a really uncomfortable chair and strain my ears to hear what i'm watching. or i can lie in bed and sleep all day.

and besides that.... it's very uncomfortable to do any activity while someone in the room is asleep. that's just how i am. i think that's how most people are.

i'm not saying that i'm the perfect room mate. i probably have a lot of annoying habits... and i do have a dog who poops and pees in the living room and kitchen as she pleases. but i have given up a lot of things i love and there are certain things i can't take... like my tv turned on even when no one is watching. (i am not ready to buy a new tv anytime soon, and the next one i buy will be in my bedroom). know what i hate more than dirty dishes and a cluttered table? a person sleeping in the living room with the dirty dishes and the cluttered table.

please tell me i'm not being unreasonable because i'm way in over my head.

such unnecessary inconvenience.

heart's desires and answered prayers

"when it hurts, when it means you rub chins with death, or even if it means dying, that's good. Anything that moves ahead, wins. No chess game was ever won by the player who sat for a lifetime thinking over his next move."

~ farewell summer : ray bradbury

i know i haven't written much in the past year. (i'm blaming my job for that. ) so in a nutshell, here's a random summary of my facebook statuses for 2009.



i think this about sums up my year. it's so funny that bad ass in 09 would be the first one on the list. or that it was even included. haha.

it was a year of blessings. of family. of hope. and everything falling into place. well... almost. i am, after all, a work in progress.

i have been so blessed... so blessed that sometimes, i feel that if i asked for anything more, even God would raise an eyebrow. haha.

one might say that 2009 was my year. but, know what? the best is yet to come. saying that 2009 was my year is like saying that the years to come will not be able to measure up and everything is just downhill from here. but this is just the beginning. it's my turn now.

it's so easy to say that the highlight of my year (quite possibly one of the highlights of my life) is my euro trip. but it's not just the trip that was amazing. it was being with family. with people i haven't seen in years. it's realizing how blessed i am to have such great family who would generously help out just to be with you and would go out of their way to make sure you would have the time of your life...

we went to copenhagen, malmo, berlin and prague. i also saw a little of the amsterdam airport and too much of the berlin, tegel airport. but it was amazing... and it changed me in ways i could never have imagined.

it was definitely a year of change. 2009 was the year when i got the job i've always wanted. a job i take pride in. a job that i don't mind working overtime for, a job that means something to me than just a means to a paycheck. it doesn't pay as much as my old job and it's a lot of work. but i love it and i can't imagine doing anything else.

i gave up my nice apartment in my old hometown to live somewhere close to work and share a condo with a friend. it's been challenging... in so many ways, but the extra time i save from traveling to and from work has been well spent with tascha.

tascha. tascha tascha. where do i even begin? my heart literally melts when she sleeps on my lap. she waits patiently for me, follows me wherever i go and never lets me out of her sight. anything who happily sits by my foot all day can't be bad for me.

what else happened this year? i walked at the edge of a building 125 meters high and saw what a person sees before he plunges off a building. i had my picture taken with e buendia, camped out at the beach with no running water, electricity or bed. (never again.) and ate roasted marshmallows from a raging bonfire by the beach. i tried to learn to play the ukulele and i passed out from drinking too much. i also completed the 9 day "Simbang Gabi" novena mass, heard the christmas and new year masses. and organized all of them. i won a netbook at the christmas party and discovered glee. and i had my very first pair of jimmy choo's.

2009 was also about sealing vaults. i was reacquainted to the eraserheads when i saw their Final Set concert and came to terms that that would be the last time they'll play as a band. you know that nelly furtado song? all good things must come to an end? it was like that. i also saw the nine inch nails "Wave Goodbye" concert. the audio in that concert was kick ass. it was insane. trent reznor is insane. i (heart) him.

in 2009, i learned that you can look at a watch, not see the time, but know that it is time.

oh, and although i got my driver's license, i still can't park.

the (other) year that was.

for as long as i remember, i make a personal year end report every year. except last year. 2008 was eventful. but it was unbelievably sad. i think. and it was sad because i didn't see all the blessings thrown at me. i saw the things i didn't have and not the ones i was blessed with.

for what it's worth... here's a brief recap of the things that happened in 2008:

i went to hongkong and macau with my brother. we went to Disneyland!!! i went to coron, boracay and bohol with my cousins. I also went back to boracay with my friends and got annoyed out of my mind while they flirted with the bartender.

i traveled alone for the first time. I went to ilocos sur and ilocos norte where i had an amazing time. i have to fly back there soon. i said fly because the 16 hour road trip to pagudpud is way too much. and i do love long road trips. just not that long.

i lost the job i've had since 2005 and got a new one at the same company. but by year's end, i realized i wanted something else for me so i started looking for a new job.

I built amazing friendships there. some are still part of my life but some opted out... i believe they have their reasons... and i, of course, understand.

I also met someone who i thought would stick around and I, the fool that i was (still am), was willing to pack my bags and leave everything. I was gearing up to attend comic cons every year. imagine that.

It was also in 2008 when i discovered j johnson, j castro, b dylan and their music. and it was the only year in history when i did my christmas shopping after christmas.

the highlight of 2008, though was getting tascha. my feisty and adorable puppy. in 2008 i wouldn't have said it was the highlight of my year... but tascha has grown to be such an sweet and crazy puppy, you can't help but love her and believe that getting her was one of best decisions one has ever made.

with the way i ended 2008, i had no idea how amazing 2009 would be. everyone predicted that 2009 would be a struggle. i wonder what they meant by that. it was an amazing year for me. and it's not amazing because i got more blessings. it's amazing because i saw the blessings. and loved my life. and i am so glad things changed.

i'm thankful. forever grateful.

slingshots

sometimes, when you haven't seen someone for a long time, the way they appear in your mind when you think of them changes. in my case, i always remember people from how they looked the last time i saw them. which makes sense... coz that would be my last memory of that person. but sometimes, when you haven't seen them for a long long long time, the memories start to look like pictures. in your mind, the person is still. he doesn't move anymore... and your memory of that person looks like the picture you've been staring at to bridge the absence. nothing more.

i know i've been neglecting this blog for a while now. and i always say i'll catch up on everything... but i haven't. and it's not like there's nothing to tell... because there's a LOT... just couldn't go around to doing it. for what it's worth, i'll try to drop by more often. i want to. writing here calms my nerves and sets me straight...

i better go back to reading my books too. i miss my books. i miss a lot of things.

Christmas is just around the corner. once again. wow. i'm very optimistic about this christmas. if not for anything, just thankful for all the blessings i received this year. 2009 was my year. i don't care what anyone else says. it was an amazing year. and i have a feeling that 2010 is going to be even better. i feel it. i know it.

perfect fit

after all the stress and sleepless nights, i made it to europe. and i had the time of my life. it was the most amazing trip i've ever taken. it's so beautiful there. and it's nice to be around family again. i already miss everyone.

i'll blog about the trip and post some pictures maybe this weekend. but for now... i better raid limewire.

a million different places... and guess what?

i believe that if you pray hard enough, sooner or later... in one way or another, your prayer will be answered. lately, i've been waking up in the middle of the night to find my hands still firmly clasped together in prayer.

i always learn my lessons the hard way. and not becuase i'm not cautious... i just believe that life is too short. and i don't have the time to analyze the pros and cons before i have fun. and also, sometimes i feel like life owes me a lot.

all in one week, i found a new place. the place is smaller than the one i have now, but a hell of a lot closer to work. and there's a pool. i wish i had the budget to renovate the place and make it look like one of those condos you see in magazines. anyway, i'm hopeful. it's the one thing i have.

this week also: i was given another chance to get a job out of the country... and be closer to someone i think i should be close to. at least, this time i can take my time to decide. maybe I need that.... but i love my job here. and there's nothing else i would rather do (well, except maybe lie on the beach with a good book and a cold drink for a living)

either way, every step i make seems to bring me further away from you.

the same deep water as me

"I never wanted you to see the world the way I did, down here in the deepest part of it. I can handle it here by myself... it may get lonely but its my deep water, not yours."
~ p. sawyer

disheveled

there has never been a person in this world more in need to get her act together as me right now.

i swear. how i let things get so out of hand is beyond me... i have no idea where to start. or even how i got here. but i am here. and like an ice cold bucket of water dumped at me, i was awakened. and i have to do something about it.

ok. so maybe i knew i had to do something about it a long time ago, when it was a mere nuisance than the major dilemma it is now. but i ignored it until i can't anymore. i avoided it until i can't because now it's smothering me and i can't breathe.

I think one big fat wake up call came when i went out for drinks with some friends. i wasn't drunk yet. i wasn't even dizzy. then i felt sleepy. then everything went dim. and the voices grew farther. and i couldn't move or open my eyes or speak. i wasn't unconscious because i can hear my friends (and there were times when i hoped i was unconscious) but i couldn't respond in any way. it was like being buried alive. you couldn't do anything but you are aware of your surroundings.

now, if being buried alive is not hitting bottom, i don't know what else is.

most of the things are beyond my control and all i can do is wait... it sucks when you can't do anything else but wait. i hate waiting. i hate it with a passion.

there are some i can do something about, like organize my life. get things together at home. find a new freaking apartment. start working out and eating right again. take care of myself. fix my budget. and work on pending projects at work. this one i gotta do if i want to keep my job.

sometimes i feel like i bit off more than i can chew. but really, what else could i have done?

I just found out that:

On this day of your life, Ivy, we believe God wants you to know...
... that to burn out the pain, just find a place filled with joy.

God created joy as a balm for pain. What are some places, who are some people filled with joy that you can rely on to ease your pain?

is this some kind of joke? because it's not funny. it's freaking hilarious.



NP: wrong choice : the lovely feathers
you made the wrong choice
you made the wrong choice
oh no, tears to drown us in
oh no, falter down to it
oh no, all night long again

dandelions and high speed internet

over the past year i've gathered a stack of unread and unopened books in my apartment. my cleaning lady kept them in a huge box (i asked her to start packing my stuff months ago when i thought i was moving out). anyway, i open that box almost everyday but i never got to open a book until last night.

before i left for dinner, i knew i shouldn't have disconnected the internet. i was late paying the bill last month and i forgot to pay them this month. when i got home, ready and raging to play my facebook games (specifically sorority life and farmville), i couldn't connect. the bastards took my internet connection and i was left with no choice but to look for something to read.

some nice things spring out of seemingly unfortunate events. i took out some magazines, quickly got bored and finally opened Farewell Summer by Ray Bradbury. I wasn't through with the first paragraph and i was immediately brought back to the Spaulding kid's summer. it's still so clear in my mind how i imagined the kid sitting at the front porch with his grandfather on a hot summer afternoon when i was first introduced to Bradbury. Dandelion Wine started a romance that went on for around nine years, i think... i'm not sure. but i remember lying in my bedroom at my grandma's house, reading Dandelion Wine, all giddy and happy and sweaty.

i miss reading books. i miss reading Bradbury books. i miss reading his prose. i miss being taken to wherever he wants to take me. i miss tasting and smelling and feeling whatever it is he wanted me to taste, smell and feel.

but i also missed my facebook games. and twitter. so first thing i did this morning was go to the mall to get free wifi, harvest my crops and organize events for my sorority sisters. i also looked at new internet providers and dropped by the bookstore.

i bought 3 books and got a really good discount. it's like i got one free. I got "A year in high Heels" and "How to Walk in High Heels" by Camilla Morton and "Things I Wish My Mother Had Told Me" by Lucia Van Der Post. I vaguely remember reading about these books from the magazine i was browsing last night. With the new environment I am moving in right now, with the grown up job and all (haha :)), i figured i needed to learn a thing or two about grace and not act and dress like a kid who just got out of college...

eager to read my new books, i sprinted out of the bookstore.

i decided to ditch what i thought was my super fast wired broadband connection and got a SWB. I don't regret it for one second. it's almost a half cheaper than my old subscription and twice as fast. sometimes, you really get lucky. i was so set on getting GTW, but when i got there, ready to pay for the kit... the lady bluntly said that their signal in my area is really week.

AAAAND... another provider has amazing signal in my area. just really amazing. i was tempted to ask her which one it was... but that may seem a bit rude (and her manager was staring at us). she was nice enough to be honest about the lousy signal, it would be asking to much if i asked her to specify which of their competitors would give me this really amazing service.

so i sprinted out of their store.

there were only two other providers, i wasn't getting specific answers from the second provider. When i asked her if the signal is strong in my area, she answered, "yeah, the signal is strong everywhere... we've sold a lot of kits today. a lot of people signed up"... i wasn't convinced that that was the one.

so i sprinted out of their store.

the third provider was specific. "we have strong signal in your area. we have a lot of customers from that subdivision. Mr. ChopChop from something street is a subscriber, is he your neighbor?"

well, Mr ChopChop is not my neighbor and i don't know who he is, but i was sold... i paid for my kit and just as i was leaving the store... i heard my sales guy say to another customer, "we have strong signal in your area. we have a lot of customers from that subdivision. Ms. BlahBlah from somewhere street is a subscriber, do you know her?"

i smiled and sprinted out of their store. amused and hopeful.

there are days

... when you just wish someone tells you that everything will be all right ...

... that whatever happens, they got your back ...

... can't remember the last time someone got my back ... i think i was fifteen ...

... that was way too long ago ...

"self" portrait

that girl on my blog is so sad... that's not me anymore. I should change that picture one of these days.

i'm the sun that beats your brow

some of the biggest realizations of my life come when i'm either taking a long walk, trying on expensive shoes, eating apple pie or listening to megadeth.

today, over barbecue bacon cheese burger, coke zero, fries and apple pie... i realized how all the things that happened over the past years brought me here… where I am right now… and how everything just seemed to fall into place.it’s like, all the detours, the mishaps, the seemingly wrong turns brought me where I’ve always wanted to be. and it’s amazing. It’s like somehow, my dreams… even dreams I’ve dismissed as impossible are now just within my reach.

a few months ago i was ready to leave this country to start somewhere else. live a life totally different from what i really wanted but figured, i ultimately needed. And now, I am a nudge away from taking the architecture licensure exams.

Who knew that after everything, i will end up wanting to be what i've always wanted to be anyway? an architect.

i sat there and thought how amazing it is that all the good and bad things that happened ultimately led me here... to where i am now and how everything seems to fall in to place... as if everything is part of a grand plan that i'm only realizing now.

someone up there is really looking after me.

ok....so,,,, i guesss i have to mention the pink elephant in the room, huh?

someone told me that if you've been gone for a while and you don't know how to start again, you just jump right to it... so that was me, jumping right to it.

work has made me unbelievably busy and i love it. it's crazy, stressful, tiring, and i love it.

oh, and i think i'm back. :) i hope.

So the question now… should I back post or not?

NP: Poison was the cure : Megadeth

From a rock star to a desk fool

Was my destiny someone said
Love's a tide pool
Taste the waters life's abundant
Taste me

fight club.

i have two names. together they mean a brave and strong willed princess. my mom wanted me to be strong. and brave. and independent. and strong. she also wanted me to be a ballerina. there was no way she was getting that.

sometimes i wish my mom never wished for me to be strong. some people go through life without ever needing to be strong. or do they? sometimes, i think that everyone goes through some sort of battle... it's just different for each one of us. but sometimes, i think some people have it better and some don't.

all my life i feel like i've had to fight for things in my life. i've had to fight to keep loved ones around. i've had to fight to get by.

my job is the only thing i feel was handed out to me without so much effort. lately, i feel like it's slowly changing. i wish that i didn't have to go on battle for this. not this one. at least.

but like every other thing in my life, i have to fight if i want to keep this. i have to be brave. and strong.

but i don't want to fight. not anymore.

but how will you win if you don't fight?

but i don't want to win. i didn't know someone has to win and someone has to lose. i don't want to win. i just....

and yet it seems as though i'm always in battle.

they say, fortune favors the bold.

i say, let's see.

if life is my oyster then where the hell is my lobster?

i am always learning. everyday. i don't want to equate learning with pain. but let's face it... when we go through a so much pain, we learn a hell of a lot more than we do when we're happy.

i learned that even when everything is looking up, you can still feel like your world is falling apart.

i learned that i can choose wherever i want to go. but i can't choose where my heart stays.

i learned that time, distance, pain, hate can never erase love. nothing will.

i learned that kindness doesn't get you the guy/girl.

and at the end of the day, no matter how great your job is, if you can't share it with that one person... it just doesn't make sense.

and just when you thought things can't get any worse, you realize you've become exactly what you were afraid to be when you were young.

kick start

Major, major changes coming up.

I wonder if the decisions I make right now will lead me to where I am supposed to be. But how are you to know, anyway? This may be the best or worst decision I will ever make.

Things are going on full speed… I hope I can do this. It’s scary but I am determined to rise above this. I have to. I don’t really have a choice. Shoot. Maybe I can retract my resignation…?

No. I have to do this. I have to at least try.

Maybe the timing is crazy. Maybe it’s perfect. I can only find out.

Things to look forward to in the weekend:

1. Two Sides – the Wolfgang concert.
2. Camping by the beach in Anawangin

Some crazy things I have to do in less than two weeks.

1. learn how to drive
2. get a driver’s license
3. complete my pre employment requirements
4. start with a new job

and in the not so distant future, maybe in a month or two:

1. move out
2. move on

and somewhere in between:

1. get a rockin’ new wardrobe that will go well with my
2. rockin’ new life.

sometimes I think I’m brave. But the truth is. I’m scared as hell. I am shaking as I type this.

NP: Eden : 10,000 Maniacs
All in time,
but the clock is another demon that
devours our time in Eden,
in our Paradise.
Will our eyes see well beneath us,
flowers all divine?
Is there still time?
If we wake and discover
in life a precious love,
will that waking become more heavenly?

my meDicine

sometimes, something big happens in your life... like a major decision you have to make and though you know what you should do, you still need your support system around you. Like when there's a major crossroad in your life and although you know which path to take, sometimes you still need someone you trust to tell you that what you’re doing isn’t totally insane. That if by any chance, you’re making a huge mistake, they will back you up and pull you out of the gutter if you happen to end up there. Maybe to assure you that you’re not totally out of your mind, or that you can do it.

Sometimes we seek that assurance from places where we used to find them. Like an old friend who used to believe in what you can be. Someone whose opinion matters to you. But there are things that time and distance can change, like a friendship you thought would surpass… well… time, distance, storms and all other calamities life happens to throw at you. But sometimes, sometimes it fades, sometimes it gets marred. Sometimes it’s just no longer what we believed it was.

And you find solace in unexpected places. Like a new friend who, in her quiet way… changes the way you see things and without her knowing it, she just helped you make one of the biggest decisions of your life.

When you come home to an empty house everyday, you get your strength from friends. Be them true or not. I’m just glad that despite my misgivings, I am still blessed with friends who take the time and effort to show me that they’re behind me. Maybe they can’t go as far as to hold my hand, but sometimes, knowing that they want to is all I need.

NP: Losing Keys : Jack Johnson
I've been losing lots of keys lately,
I don't know what that means
But maybe I've been better off with things that can't be locked at all
I've been feeling kind of sea sick lately,
See you reaching to me gonna save me
You were me, I would much rather take the fall

The world has its ways
To quiet us down
The world has its ways
To quiet us down comes the rain
Down comes our spirits again
But Down comes the strength
To lift us up and then...

untitled

Slow down and enjoy life.
It’s not only the scenery you miss by going too fast
You also miss the sense of where you are going and why ~ eddie cantor


How long has it been? I always feel like I’m trying to catch up on life. But the past month, I think I was able to rush right along with it. It was both good and bad. In reference to the quote above, I was able to enjoy the scenery. But somewhere along the amazing sights, the laughter, the disappointments, the highs and the lows… I lost sight of where I was going. And most importantly, why.

The past couple of months was a whirlwind… I did so much without accomplishing anything which makes it even more frustrating. I am no nearer to my goals after trying to catch up with everything and everyone. I'm not even sure why I'm in a hurry. I don't know why am I trying desperately to have everything. To do everything. To be everything. NOW.

Maybe it’s the time line I’ve set for myself. I have big plans for when I turn 30 which is a mere 3 months away. I want to enjoy the last few months I have remaining with my friends and family. Before I start a new life somewhere else. See, I have to start somewhere else. But at the same time, I am trying to juggle work and the things I have to do in preparation for my big move.

I need a major change. A life altering move. A twist so big, today would be a distant, vague memory. I want out. I can say this now with all certainty. And I am determined to do whatever it takes within the boundaries of what my conscience perceives as moral.

I don’t want to run anymore. I think it’s time I go home. But home isn’t here and I have to go find it.

I feel so old here. I want to be new again.

Brand new.

"She decided against wearing her shades. It's time to look at the big blue sky without rose colored glasses. She looked ahead and couldn't look back. Because walking away would be impossible if she found him there, standing by the door, looking back at her." ~ untitled

One in a Million - Guns N Roses

I'm posting this here, because it's fun. I was tagged in facebook and thought this was fun... i love shuffles!!! and i especially love #16. nice.

INSTRUCTIONS:
- Put your iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
- For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
- YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS. DON'T LIE.
- Tag 10 friends (make me #11 so I can see your results). or however many you want...
- Everyone tagged has to do the same thing.
- Have fun!

1. IF SOMEONE SAYS 'ARE YOU OKAY' YOU SAY?
swiss army romance - dashboard confessional

2. HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE YOURSELF?
D I A - billy corgan

3. WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Imagine - John Lennon

4. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Of the Girl - Pearl Jam (huh???)

5. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
fu-gee-la - Fugees

6. WHAT'S YOUR MOTTO?
Nothing is good enough - aimee mann

7. WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Neighborhood Bully - Bob Dylan (hahaha)

8. WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Mintcar - the cure

9. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Can't buy me love - the beatles

10. WHAT IS 2 + 2?
resolution time - beastie boys

11. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Train around the bend - the velvet underground

12. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
winter - james iha

13. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
alameda - elliott smith

14. WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Frogs - alice in chains (yikes!)

15. WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Take it away - the used (nyahhaha)

16. WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
riot act - skid row (nice.)

17. WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
keep the customer satisfied - simon and garfunkel (noooooooooooooo!)

18. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Little man, what now? - Morrissey

19. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
If i ever lose my faith in you - sting

20. WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW?
Jake - lisa loeb (hihi :))

21. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
redemption song - bob marley

22. WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS?
One in a Million - Guns N Roses

last resort

When there are no words, I resort to spam…

I was recently tagged in “25 random things about me”. So, here’s my 25 random things.


1. i love strawberries... i am munching on a bucket of strawberries from Baguio as I type this.
2. i love surprises.
3. i am scared of dogs (especially the ones that aren't real). that's why my shih tzu is the boss. i give her everything she wants.
4. my favorite coffee is kapeng barako. and i take my coffee black, strong with 2 tbsps of sugar.
5. the only thing keeping me from buying an iphone is the news. they talk about how the world is in an economic crisis and how everything will get worse. and that we should all think twice before spending. and how people with jobs should be thankful they even have jobs.
6. no matter what they say, i love my family. (what's left of it, anyway)
7. i love flowers and stuffed toys and shoes. i am such a girl.
8. i love listening to depressing music.
9. i don't insist on anything. i'll usually accept the first answer. it's either you do or you don't. yes or no. which makes me so easy/hard to deal with.
10. i refuse to live without chocolate.
11. it may not seem like it, but i do have a plan.
12. i love cold weather. BUT i love the beach. and i love lying under the sun with a cold drink and a good book.
13. i believe that what comes around, goes around. i believe in karma. and i believe that one of these days, my turn will come.
14. i love coke zero.
15. i love apple. apple pie, apple drinks, apple gadgets. apple anything.
16. i almost didn't graduate from college because i loved playing hockey too much.
17. i have a stack of books that i haven't read (or opened) yet i still buy books like there's no tomorrow.
18. i research on almost anything first before jumping in.
19. i am very forgiving. it's the forgetting part i'm not good at.
20. i don't watch horror movies. i don't like to scare myself unnecessarily.
21. i always end up attracted to guys who embrace their inner geek. haha.
22. i almost always miss people.
23. My whole life I was only able to truly open up to two people. One is dead, the other one might as well be.
24. i snore.
25. contrary to what i say about love, i still believe that if it is true, it doesn't end.

162 days to never

I spent New Year’s Eve in the office. And quite frankly, spending it alone in my room as I did some years ago was so much better. I will never do that again if I can help it. On New Year’s Day, right after work, I went to Cabanatuan city with X and his family. I really had a great time. I really love the countryside. The simplicity of life in places like that always brings some sort of comfort and peace to my weary mind. There were so many kids, so many trees, so much of nature, so much family, and so much laughter and so much food. I would post some pictures but it might take a while. (X says ETA is 2 weeks).

I don’t know why I never went there before. I can’t remember if X never asked me or if I always refused. And if I did refuse, I wish I hadn’t. I’m glad I still got to go, even if it’s the last time.

It’s weird how little I remember. And yet I still can’t forget.

I was browsing through my old blogs yesterday… looking for words to comfort a friend who’s going through a really rough time… and I stumbled upon an old post. About 2 years ago. And I said I didn’t want to leave just yet because I want everything to be ready when I leave because when I finally do, there will be no turning back. I only have 6 months to prepare for the point of no return. I better haul ass.

the deepest blues

I wonder what the hell sucked the joy out of Christmas.

Christmas passed 13 minutes ago and I still haven’t done my Christmas shopping. It’s weird, really. The holiday season used to be the highlight of my year. I looked forward to shopping for gifts and wrapping them and stacking them under my nice little tree. This year, I tried to several times to go to the mall to shop for gifts. But when I get there, there’s always a reason to go home and postpone the whole thing. Things that never seemed to stop me all those Christmases ago… what happened? I just lost interest, I guess. It just stopped being fun and became more of a duty than anything else. And honestly, how can you even go about spending your hard earned money as a chore? This whole thing used to be so much fun. I miss those days. Maybe I am just getting old. Or maybe it’s something else.

I think it’s something else.

I have been thinking about leaving ever since I can remember. I wanted to live somewhere else. Last week, I was given the opportunity to do so. All I had to do was decide. And I couldn’t. I said I wanted to think about it more. Which is weird, coz I’ve always wanted to leave. And I knew that. Maybe I just got scared. All the comfort I know now will vanish once I leave… and then there’s the fear of the unknown.

My friends all think it’s a good idea to leave. They all agree that sometimes, you have to leave to make way for better things.

I tell myself I can always come back anyway. If things don’t work out, then I can go back home and start again… or maybe I can go to another place and start there. The point is, I can pretty much go and start wherever and whenever I want. I am not bound by any chain. And frankly, I have more reasons to leave than to stay.

I still want to do my research and other preparations I feel I need to do before I sign anything. But I will definitely pursue this. Which is kinda sad, considering how I spent my potentially last Christmas here. I know I’ll look back on this and wish that I spent more time with the people I love and care for… but what’s done is done… I think I still have like at the very least, six months here. I’m going to miss everyone. But…

It’s time.

backposts,rockstars and shoes

I back posted my second day in Pagudpud (to the moon and back). I have so many pictures of that trip that I want to post but I still haven't gotten around to posting them on a photo hosting site. I will post and back post the links as soon as I fix it.

There are so many things going on right now. work, parties, concerts, shoes... which reminds me, i have to go get my nails done. now.

And did you count many times I typed the word "post" in the last 5 minutes?

an apple a day...

I have been really really sick since I got back home from my trip. I thought it was the flu, but after visiting the doctor yesterday, it turns out to be bronchitis. Crap. I guess that explains why I've been in so much pain the past week. The doctor won't let me go back to work yet. This couldn't have come at a worse time.

Speaking of work... I am looking at another job. I think I'll know on Wednesday. I really hope this turns well.

I haven't posted the continuation of my trip to Ilocos yet, but I will. As soon as I remember where I saved the drafts. haha. I will also post the pictures I took during the trip. I am still not sure which photo hosting site to post them on. I'll post the link here once I get everything together.

For now, I shall lie down and watch cartoons all day.

the long way home

The journey back to manila was harsh. Sitting in a cold bus for more than 14 hours cannot be good for anyone’s health. (edit: A week after I got back to manila I will find out that I had bronchitis. I probably got it on my way to Vigan and dragged it all the way to Pagudpud and then back home.)

But the truth is, the bronchitis and the long, freezing ride home were nothing compared to the perplexity going on in my head. (Well… not really. I wasn’t confused… I mean, I think I knew all along. At the back of my head. I just refused to concede to the possibility. )

I got smacked in the head with an insight so big that I almost can't absorb it all at once.

It happened when I was getting ready to go home. I just spent the day walking on the beach and taking pictures while it literally stormed. I was right on schedule and putting lip gloss on when a realization dawned on me without warning.

Of course, it’s him. and no matter how i try to deny it, i know it's him.

One of my goals upon taking this trip was to sort some loose ends. Figure things out and look for direction. Like draw a map to the things I want to have and keep in my life. Figure out where I want to go. Draw up a path to what I really want. Up until I reached the town before Laoag, I was lost. I wasn’t sure about anything. But it was right after we passed a deserted cockfighting arena when I knew. I remember knowing, for sure what I will do as soon as I get back to manila.

Then back in that small cottage I rented for a few hours in Saud, I looked into the mirror and thought about how happy I was… about the trip, about my life, about everything… and only one thing was missing. And it was him.

And if he was there, I knew I couldn’t ask for more.

I brushed the tears off my cheeks and powdered my nose. I shrugged. It’s time to go home.

I went to the bus station and tried to make myself as comfortable as possible for the long ride home. I looked for the sunset. Then I looked for the moon. Who was I kidding, anyway? The playlist I created, all 177 songs (14 hours worth of songs), the main reason why I wanted to take a long road trip, were for or about him. It was him. And I didn't know where to start.

And there in the bus, with my aching back and heart of lead, I came to a decision. A decision that may forever change my life. But will never change my heart.

to the moon and back

I love waking up when the sun isn't up yet and I don't have to rush off somewhere. So, yesterday I took the ultimate Pagudpud tricycle adventure. Tricycle number 144, with Lenzer as the pilot.

I looked at some pictures on the internet before I took the trip, so I had an idea of the places I was going to see. BUT what I didn't expect or see when I did my research was this:

I didn't know I was going on a trip to the moon... then to Tatooine. haha. I love that place. it's something I’ve never seen before, except on Star Wars and in science class. We had to trek under the scorching sun for about 15 minutes before we got there. but it was totally worth it. first, you walk through a field of grass. Then you walk though the craters of the moon. or so it seemed. I was so amazed. I kept telling the tour guide that I felt like I was walking on the moon. I bet if I were to walk on the moon or another planet, it would look a lot like that place.

then, we went to the rock formation itself. that's the name of the place because I don't think there's any other way to call it. except maybe, sand formation. The rock looks a lot like sand that froze over. like you're on a desert, but the sand is rock solid. It was like being in Episode 1. I was half expecting Padawans and George Lucas to show up somewhere.


The first stop was the Bantay Abot cave. I wanted to go there and take really nice pictures. But the wind was crazy when we got there and I was so scared I’ll be blown off the cliff to the South China Sea, so this is the best picture I got.

Next was the Patapat Viaduct. (I really hope I got the names of the places right) then we went to Aqua Grande. It was nice. The water flowing from rock to rock created an illusion of steam coming off the rocks as the water flows from the mountain to the beach. it was beautiful. I wish I took better pictures.

I almost skipped the Kabigan Waterfalls. coz, really. how many waterfalls have you seen in your life? and don't they all just look the same? it's a good thing I didn't skip this one because it was beautiful. I think the 1.5 km trek to the falls is half the charm of the falls. The water was cool. not cold, but cool... the kind you'd love to jump in after walking under the sun for 30minutes. If I had brought clothes, I would have jumped in.

And when you reach the falls, it's amazing. If I were to rank all the waterfalls I ever saw in my life, this would have to be in the top 2. I forgot how it feels when you're near the falls. the sound of the raging water, the wind blowing your hair all over the place, the spray of cool water everywhere, including the lens of your brother's camera. it was amazing.



Speaking of amazing... there's Saud beach. there were a total of 6 people on the beach, including us. The sand here isn't as fine or as white as the sand in Boracay. But, it's quiet here. It's perfect for relaxing and for getting away from everything. I have to go back here.

Then, we were off to the lighthouse. It was scary up there. The wind was really really strong and you can hear it from up there. The light house was really really old... and it felt creepy in there... like someone died there or something.

It was starting to rain when we made our way to the Bangui Windmills. It was beautiful. I was overwhelmed at how big those windmills were. I wanted them to spin me off to another place and time. Really. I felt that sinking feeling when I looked up, like when you're in a roller coaster or when you’re descending at high speed. but peaceful. like you're going to be taken off somewhere safe.

Pagudpud is one of the most beautiful places I’ve ever seen. I will definitely come back.

The agenda for today is to pack my stuff, spend the entire day on the beach in Saud, then catch the 5pm bus to Manila.