worst day EVER

you've dug your own grave, now lie in it.

project: save up! part 2

ok. i just bought two watches. i'll start tomorrow. promise.

i couldn't resist. they were may too pretty and shinny to turn down.

i'm dead.

i also need a new camera. and i need to stop posting lousy pictures. i know.

project : save up!

i knew it. tascha is a dog supermodel. the vet said so. she's tall, thin, has amazing hair, high maintenance, whinny, snotty, and has an eating disorder. she's a gem.

i left her reluctantly at the groomers. i didn't know it'll take more than 5 hours to groom her. oh well. in the meantime, i'll get some work done on that little secret project, which by the way, is turning out to be more work than i expected or welcomed.

i also brought home some work from the office because i do/say stupid things sometimes. and this is one of the consequences. argh.

i'm having second thoughts on tascha's future. i don't want her to have puppies. i have decided that before i even got her. i have no plans of getting more dogs. one is, as proven, more than i can handle. but, it seems with all the money i've spent on her and the number of people waiting for a litter from her, i might be compelled to take the other way and look for a stud in six months.

i have a new and essential project. it's called, "project: save up!" my spending habits have been pretty lose lately. ha. lose. more like out of control. and if i want to have *some* money left for christmas shopping this december, i better wise up and save some bucks. i'm starting today.

wish me luck!

i'm not there

a movie where a black kid, a woman, a french poet, batman, joker and billy the kid portray the many facets of bob dylan has to be interesting. and of course, i had to see it.

surprisingly, out of the six, cate blanchett was the most convincing.

i think, to appreciate this movie, you have to at least know a little background on dylan's life. i'm not claiming that i know a lot, i just happened to read his autobiography, "chronicles part 1" and i know the movie would not have made sense if i didn't read the book.

ok, ok... so maybe the movie didn't say much. but then, it said a lot. much like dylan, i guess.

found

brand spanking NEW!

the hell?!

okay. so i managed to screw up this blog and i'm only on my second glass of chardonnay.

huh.

i think i've also screwed up my laptop beyond repair.

huh.

internet explorer is not even working anymore...

what the hell?!

I got the freaking bouquet!

In honor of C’s wedding yesterday, I listened to STP on my way to her wedding. Which made me wish I was in high school, a time when I played tennis and drums and my mom was alive and everything was possible.

The wedding was fun. At least, for me and most of my friends, it was. I could only imagine the stress the couple went through. I love weddings, it’s always full of hope and flowers and shinny stuff.

I don’t really cry at weddings. But this one, I almost did. Wouldn’t it be perfect when, during your wedding, you read the vows written by the church and you realize that the vows perfectly describe your relationship with the man you’re marrying? I was so happy for my friend, I almost cried.

Congratulations, C and C! and thanks for the chardonnay!

NP: wicked garden : Stone Temple Pilots
"Can you see without eyes ?
Can you speak without lies ?
I wanna drink from you naked fountain
I can drown your sorrows
I'm gonna burn, burn you to life now
Out of the chains that bind you

Can you see just like a child ?
Can you see just what I want ?
Can I bring you back to life ?
Are you scared of life ?

Can you feel pain inside ?
Can you love ?
Can you cry ?
I wanna run through your wicked garden
Heard that's the place to find you
'Cause I'm alive
So alive now
Out of the dark that blinds you"

that's me inside your head

Just how many pairs of shoes can a girl wear in a week? not more than 15, I would say. And yet I keep buying them. This week alone, I got 3 new pairs. I swear, they have power over me.

I think it was last weekend when my best friend, R dropped by to take pictures of tascha. It was so hard to take pictures of tascha because she was running all over the place and she stunk. Anyway, here are some of the pictures…





I went to the spa last Sunday, got a manicure, pedicure, foot spa and a chocolate facial. It felt sooo good. And I love my French tipped nails. IMHO, chocolate is still best eaten but slathered all over your face is not bad either.

There are days when I feel really positive about everything. Like there’s so much in store for me. And I know I will be able to somehow, get the things I want and reach the goals I’ve set and maybe even make my dreams come true. I know I’ll be okay. I know I’ll be fine. I know I’ll be happy. And I know I’ll get by the tough times on my own.

But there are days when you wonder if there’ll ever be someone. And it's not even about life being more convenient or easier if you have someone beside you.

it's not that. it's more like... it's just ... happier.


NP: far more : honorary title
"Is this the sound of our demise
Or just the opposite?
I love you and I miss you
What else is there to say?"

mixtape

On my way home everyday, I pass by a bus terminal. And everyday, I just want to jump into the bus to lucena. Just leave the city with no plans, no destination and sit on the bus for hours and hours and listen to ray la montagne’s raspy voice. Maybe I’ll get some answers. And if I’m lucky, maybe I’ll stumble upon some kind of truth.

Hmmm… lucena isn’t that far. I don’t think that road trip will be long enough to stumble into anything. maybe i should go back to bicol. or maybe i should go up north... like vigan or I don’t know… wherever…

And maybe instead of just la montagne’s music, I should make a mix tape. Well, not exactly a mix tape, but a really kick ass playlist in my ipod.

Yey. Project!


NP: better together : jack johnson
"There's no combination of words
I could put on the back of a postcard
No song I could sing
But I can try for your heart
Our dreams, and they are made out of real things
like a, shoebox of photographs
with sepiatone loving
Love is the answer,
at least for most of the questions in my heart
Like why are we here? and where do we go?
And how come we're so hard?
It's not always easy and
sometimes life can be deceiving
I'll tell you one thing its always better when we're together"

bad ass (part II)

He who does not weep does not see.
~ les miserables

I was watching tv on a Sunday morning, wondering how to go about my day when this song played on TV and I started bawling like a cow. This song is so sad.

Recently, my friends have been telling me that I’m jaded. Which is weird because, maybe four of them used the actual term “jaded” and that I haven’t told them much to merit such comment. Huh.

I don’t really know where I’m at right now. But I don’t think I’m jaded. I know I’m scared, which I think is understandable considering… well, everything. The truth is, I’m a hopeless romantic. I want to believe that true love still exists and that people who are meant to be together actually end up together. I want to believe that there's one true love for everyone and if you work hard enough and you wait long enough, it'll happen and you'll find that happiness that you only read about in books, the kind of happiness that changes your life. I want to believe that love is true and that it's forever. I have to believe it still exists.

so... maybe I'm jaded. maybe I'm delusional... and I admit I’m scared. but right now,

i'd like to think i'm a cold heartless bitch until someone comes along and takes the time to know me enough to tell me otherwise.

NP: first cut is the deepest : sheryl crow
"I would have given you all of my heart
but there's someone who's torn it apart
and she's taking almost all that I've got
but if you want, I'll try to love again
baby I'll try to love again but I know
The first cut is the deepest.."

light years away

I woke up with a hell of a headache this morning. Amidst the torrent of this painful hangover, I realized that I have been so selfish lately. I just wanted some time for myself but I didn’t realize that though I am going through a rough patch, some of my friends might actually need me to be there for them. And I am sorry.

I hadn’t realized that shutting people off was selfish. Some of them may need you because they are also going though a difficult time. Some of them may need you to be around because they want to celebrate with you. Some just want to know that you’re okay. And some just want to know that you’re still there. And some just want to hang out. And some just really miss you.

I didn’t realize that hiding in a hole would hurt them. It was just my way of healing. And it’s not fair to dodge the phone calls and the messages. I know the excuses have gotten lame by this time. Yes, I have been busy but I know I could have made an extra effort. And I am sorry. I will try to get out of this.

So if you see me waving my hand, how about you take it and help out of this hole? If it’s not too much to ask. Thanks.

And by the way, I’ve gotten a lot of smack for this, my old 0917 number is no longer working. You can reach me at the 0915 number and will try to reply. I promise to try. And my home phone is not working. Again. Hehe. But globe is on it!!

I want happy back. Dammet!!


NP: light years away : mozella
"It's how you wanted it to be
It's like you played a joke on me
And I lost a friend in the end

'Cuz I don't blame you anymore
Thats too much pain to store
It left me half dead
Inside my head
And boy, looking back I see
I'm not the girl I used to be
When I lost my mind
It saved my life

That life seems like
Light years away, light years away"