Friday, March 5, 2010

tgif wtf


When I got my job 11 months ago and slowly settled and got used to the frenzied phase, I thought the lack of financial fulfillment was going to be my biggest concern.  11 months later, I learned that that would be… well… in the top three of my concerns.  I didn’t think that burn out and mis direction would be my concerns.  It sucks that I’m seriously thinking about quitting a job that I love. it’s just that lately, there’s just been a whole lot of that going on. Not the love part, but the job part. In fact, I feel that there’s been way too much of it, it’s not healthy anymore.
I feel and I know that if I continue like this, it’s either I end up a poor, bitter, hypertensive bitch or I die.  Either way, it doesn’t look good. 
But I love my job, and I can’t imagine doing anything else. But… this isn’t right. And it’s come to the point where I’m not sure if it’s still worth it. I’m not sure if this is something I want to fight for.
And once again, I’m tired.

Monday, March 1, 2010

butterflies


From my mother’s side of the family, there are three of us, girls who were born just months apart in the same year.  One of us got married last year.  And the other is getting married on Saturday.   i haven’t seen my relatives in a long time, but I already feel them breathing down my neck, telling me that I should get married. Soon.
I promised myself years ago that I will marry only for love.  I will never let anyone or anything pressure me into getting married. i grew up fearing marriage, the idea that I’ll be stuck/ caged in/ tied to someone or something for the rest of my life just plain terrifies me.  And we all know what happened when I finally succumbed to that idea.  I guess it’s just fitting that I do myself that favor and stick to my promise.   Ok. Ok. Ok. So maybe I am still terrified. but I think these days, although I am scared of making the biggest mistake of my life, there’s also that fear of having to spend my life alone.  Which is also scary.
But I guess right now, I have a lot of other things to take care of. Like fixing my schedule to fit everything. I need a break. A long, luxurious, break.