puppy lurv...
So, in the midst of all these chaos, I decided I want a dog. A Shih Tzu puppy. Now, the tricky part is I am scared shit of dogs. I have been as far back as I can remember. I am even scared of toy dogs, and I don’t mean a certain class of small dogs, but dogs that aren’t real. Dogs that don’t breathe and bite and pee.
So, why in the world do I want a dog? I don’t know. I just want one. I want one so bad, it’s driven me to tears when I realized that I can’t have a dog just yet. I am not ready to have a dog. And not just because I’m scared of dogs… I don’t think I’m ready for the responsibility, based on things I’ve heard and read about taking care of puppies. Like, that I’ll have to comb my puppy’s coat every day. Heck, I don’t even comb my hair everyday. And that my apartment will smell… and that I’ll have to clean after them…
But I really want one. And i really don’t know why. Do people really have to have a reason for wanting a puppy except that they just want one? I really don’t know if i want a puppy for the right reasons. I’m really new to all these, you see.
I actually have plans for the puppy. I will gate my pad to make sure that the pup won’t fall off the balusters to the stairs. I will also get a cage for her as her sleeping quarter. And she will have the most amazing play area at the garage downstairs. She will go to dog boarding school for a month to learn basic obedience training and so that I can get some training too on how to handle a dog. See, I have big, huge plans for this puppy.
Yet, I’m scared that I won’t be able to take care of her. I’m scared that what I have to offer won’t be enough. I live alone and I have to work. As it is, life can be too much sometimes… and right now, I’m still just catching up… so I guess I’ll have to put off getting a puppy for maybe a couple of weeks at least. But the shit is, I might have to start going to work in a week or two… which leaves me no time to actually get acquainted to the puppy before I have to leave her for at least 9 hours a day… alone. I’m no dog expert, and even though they said that I can leave a shih tzu alone in the house while I work, I still think that it’s a bit cruel to leave a little puppy by herself for that long a time.
Geeze… what to do… what to do…
And just as i was convinced that I can take care of one, a storm comes to shatter my confidence. Hmm… it was just a stupid storm. If I expect to take care of my own puppy, I should be able to go through a freaking storm with little tears and so much grace. Ah, but there I was, wide awake and crying alone while the storm raged outside.
I want a puppy so much. But I also want that puppy to have the best home she can have. And if I can’t give that… maybe I shouldn’t even be calling breeders and asking for appointments.
Then… I guess I’m not getting a puppy. At least not yet.
But I really want one. And i really don’t know why. Do people really have to have a reason for wanting a puppy except that they just want one? I really don’t know if i want a puppy for the right reasons. I’m really new to all these, you see.
I actually have plans for the puppy. I will gate my pad to make sure that the pup won’t fall off the balusters to the stairs. I will also get a cage for her as her sleeping quarter. And she will have the most amazing play area at the garage downstairs. She will go to dog boarding school for a month to learn basic obedience training and so that I can get some training too on how to handle a dog. See, I have big, huge plans for this puppy.
Yet, I’m scared that I won’t be able to take care of her. I’m scared that what I have to offer won’t be enough. I live alone and I have to work. As it is, life can be too much sometimes… and right now, I’m still just catching up… so I guess I’ll have to put off getting a puppy for maybe a couple of weeks at least. But the shit is, I might have to start going to work in a week or two… which leaves me no time to actually get acquainted to the puppy before I have to leave her for at least 9 hours a day… alone. I’m no dog expert, and even though they said that I can leave a shih tzu alone in the house while I work, I still think that it’s a bit cruel to leave a little puppy by herself for that long a time.
Geeze… what to do… what to do…
And just as i was convinced that I can take care of one, a storm comes to shatter my confidence. Hmm… it was just a stupid storm. If I expect to take care of my own puppy, I should be able to go through a freaking storm with little tears and so much grace. Ah, but there I was, wide awake and crying alone while the storm raged outside.
I want a puppy so much. But I also want that puppy to have the best home she can have. And if I can’t give that… maybe I shouldn’t even be calling breeders and asking for appointments.
Then… I guess I’m not getting a puppy. At least not yet.
Okay… so maybe this is what I can do… after I finish cleaning up my apartment, and I mean finish, like everything clean, including the attic and the yard downstairs, I will set up the aquarium for my turtles then I will start calling breeders and I will start putting up puppy gates in my house. I think, maybe that is a good plan.
Oh, I have to start looking for a new job as well. Hah. Almost forgot about that.
NP: Cold Cold Heart : Nora Jones
"Why cant I free your doubtful mind
and melt your cold cold heart?"
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