Beyond shrieking.

The past three weeks have been grueling to say the least. It was an overwhelming combination of mental, physical and emotional torture. To say that I’m drained and exhausted would be an understatement. I don’t don’t ever ever want to go through something like this ever ever again, ever.

But don’t get me wrong. i wanted to do this because I know that to get where I want to be, I have to go through this. I just wish the circumstances were a bit different and I didn’t have to learn and apply everything in such a short time. Well… gotta do what I gotta do… I have a goal and I know that I have to go through this to get where I want to be.

but in the past three weeks, I have to admit, I think I grew 5 years older. I feel like I’m ready for anything. And the nice thing about this, traumatic as it may have been, is that if faced with the same kind of situation (I hope not), I know I’ll make it. Not going to be easy, but I can definitely go through with it.

And it’s not that I didn’t have fun… I did. I just wish I didn’t have to give up so much in the process. I miss tascha. I miss the chubs. I miss kori (or ben). I miss my apartment. I miss my bed. I miss jingoy. I miss my friends. And as it seems, the story of my life, I miss my home.

When this started, I just wanted to go home and scream. Then I wanted to cry. Now, it’s gone beyond that. And it’s not even over yet.

NP: Never is a Promise: Fiona Apple
"You’ll say you’d never give up seeing eye to eye
You’ll say, don’t fear your dreams, its easier than it seems
You’ll say you’d never let me fall from hopes so high
But never is a promise and you cant afford to lie

You’ll never hear the message I give
You’ll say it looks as though I might give up this fight
I’ll say I’ll never wake up knowing how or why
I don’t know what to believe in, you don’t know who I am
You’ll say I need appeasing when I start to cry
But never is a promise and I’ll never need a lie"