bad ass (part II)

He who does not weep does not see.
~ les miserables

I was watching tv on a Sunday morning, wondering how to go about my day when this song played on TV and I started bawling like a cow. This song is so sad.

Recently, my friends have been telling me that I’m jaded. Which is weird because, maybe four of them used the actual term “jaded” and that I haven’t told them much to merit such comment. Huh.

I don’t really know where I’m at right now. But I don’t think I’m jaded. I know I’m scared, which I think is understandable considering… well, everything. The truth is, I’m a hopeless romantic. I want to believe that true love still exists and that people who are meant to be together actually end up together. I want to believe that there's one true love for everyone and if you work hard enough and you wait long enough, it'll happen and you'll find that happiness that you only read about in books, the kind of happiness that changes your life. I want to believe that love is true and that it's forever. I have to believe it still exists.

so... maybe I'm jaded. maybe I'm delusional... and I admit I’m scared. but right now,

i'd like to think i'm a cold heartless bitch until someone comes along and takes the time to know me enough to tell me otherwise.

NP: first cut is the deepest : sheryl crow
"I would have given you all of my heart
but there's someone who's torn it apart
and she's taking almost all that I've got
but if you want, I'll try to love again
baby I'll try to love again but I know
The first cut is the deepest.."