I think I’ve forgotten how to do this. After such a long time of writing nothing but business letters and reading guidelines, business proposals and contracts, I have decided that things definitely should change. I have known this for a long time and denied it even longer. The disconnect was just so palpable you start to feel like a lost robot. Note: a lost robot. But the time comes when you can't ignore the signs anymore and you have to take that leap of faith otherwise, you'll drown.
I tried, too hard, at times to get back on track. But it just wasn’t working. I was doing all the wrong things and taking all the wrong turns at the worst times.
But out of nowhere... things... small things just start to... happen.
The killer training session for our 16k run was breathtaking in more ways that one. The moon hung low and the clouds danced lazily against the black velvet sky. I was so surprised to see so many stars in the middle of the city. There was a slight breeze that reminded you that Christmas is just around the corner. And, well... the sad Christmas song playing from the track’s PA system was kind of a dead give-away.
It was literally a breath of fresh air that somewhere in the middle of the city, in the middle of the week, I can lie in the middle of the field, look up at the stars and smell freshly cut grass.
Music swelled in the background, building up to that moment when Boy and Girl meet in the middle of the field, both trying to catch their breath. Because they had to run to each other; because they suddenly realized that they’ve been in love with the other for the longest time; that they’re meant to be.
MFEO = Made for each other. My ass.
They realized what they've been looking for and waiting for all their lives is right in front of them and they can't ignore or hide that fact anymore. Because in this taken-straight-from-a-rom-com scene, they realize that they just have to be together at the exact same time the stadium lights go off. And he just has to kiss her. Just at the exact same time the sprinklers go off and soak them to their tingly bones.
Still looking up at the sky, watching the faint twinkle of the stars, I told my friend that I hope to see a shooting star, so I can wish that for myself too. We broke into fits of laughter at the hilarity of that scene, of me, as the girl in that scene. Of how it seemed so unlikely. So uncharacteristically not me.
Okay, maybe not the cheesy, music-swelling-in-the-background part. Just the part where they both realize what everyone else has been saying, that they're it. They're meant to be. MFEO. My ass.
I took one last look at the almost deserted track, smiled to myself and left.
They dropped me off at the spa. I needed a massage, desperately.
Like some sort of a small miracle, that grave disconnect I’ve been feeling for the longest time seemed to have gone away. It was as if the masseuse turned off a switch or something. I prayed for my friend to win that photo contest. Just a simple, “I hope my friend wins.” And for the first time in a really really long time, I felt like I was really being heard. That someone is really listening to my prayer and understands my heart. It's the best feeling in the world.
There was such poignancy in that night. Like a moment where nothing goes right yet everything feels right.
Which brings me
Here.
Back and hopeful.
Again.
