slingshots

sometimes, when you haven't seen someone for a long time, the way they appear in your mind when you think of them changes. in my case, i always remember people from how they looked the last time i saw them. which makes sense... coz that would be my last memory of that person. but sometimes, when you haven't seen them for a long long long time, the memories start to look like pictures. in your mind, the person is still. he doesn't move anymore... and your memory of that person looks like the picture you've been staring at to bridge the absence. nothing more.

i know i've been neglecting this blog for a while now. and i always say i'll catch up on everything... but i haven't. and it's not like there's nothing to tell... because there's a LOT... just couldn't go around to doing it. for what it's worth, i'll try to drop by more often. i want to. writing here calms my nerves and sets me straight...

i better go back to reading my books too. i miss my books. i miss a lot of things.

Christmas is just around the corner. once again. wow. i'm very optimistic about this christmas. if not for anything, just thankful for all the blessings i received this year. 2009 was my year. i don't care what anyone else says. it was an amazing year. and i have a feeling that 2010 is going to be even better. i feel it. i know it.

a million different places... and guess what?

i believe that if you pray hard enough, sooner or later... in one way or another, your prayer will be answered. lately, i've been waking up in the middle of the night to find my hands still firmly clasped together in prayer.

i always learn my lessons the hard way. and not becuase i'm not cautious... i just believe that life is too short. and i don't have the time to analyze the pros and cons before i have fun. and also, sometimes i feel like life owes me a lot.

all in one week, i found a new place. the place is smaller than the one i have now, but a hell of a lot closer to work. and there's a pool. i wish i had the budget to renovate the place and make it look like one of those condos you see in magazines. anyway, i'm hopeful. it's the one thing i have.

this week also: i was given another chance to get a job out of the country... and be closer to someone i think i should be close to. at least, this time i can take my time to decide. maybe I need that.... but i love my job here. and there's nothing else i would rather do (well, except maybe lie on the beach with a good book and a cold drink for a living)

either way, every step i make seems to bring me further away from you.

if life is my oyster then where the hell is my lobster?

i am always learning. everyday. i don't want to equate learning with pain. but let's face it... when we go through a so much pain, we learn a hell of a lot more than we do when we're happy.

i learned that even when everything is looking up, you can still feel like your world is falling apart.

i learned that i can choose wherever i want to go. but i can't choose where my heart stays.

i learned that time, distance, pain, hate can never erase love. nothing will.

i learned that kindness doesn't get you the guy/girl.

and at the end of the day, no matter how great your job is, if you can't share it with that one person... it just doesn't make sense.

and just when you thought things can't get any worse, you realize you've become exactly what you were afraid to be when you were young.